a painful lesson

Well, tonight I had to give a talk that I really had hoped to never give. Tonight one of my kids was cruel to another child, and not in an intentional, hitting or saying something hurtful way, but in an unintentional way, which to me is even crueler. It started innocently enough, I had seen another child in church that my little one was friends with, and so I went to say hi and asked if they wanted to go and visit said child in the gym. So off we went to say hello and reconnect, but sadly my child proceeded to behave as if they wanted nothing to do with this friend, by being unwilling to even say hi or give a hug. The poor little friend was bewildered and hurt, I could see it on their face, and I was very upset by this behavior since my kids are never mean or cruel to others, they are very sensitive, but apparently not today with the lure of a cup of fun straws and other goodies, and other friends around. Embarrassment ruled over friendship and the little one headed off to their mom. I then spoke to my kid and told them that was not a nice way to treat friends, and we proceeded to find this poor little kid again, and attempt to make amends, but barely and I was not impressed since I had to coach and coerce, not a very heartfelt "Merry Christmas" at all, not impressed with my kiddo now.

This may seem a bit like I was blowing this situation out of proportion, but really this was very cruelly and unthinkingly done by my kid, and that makes it so much worse to me. I have been in the position of where this other child was, and have been hurt and not understood why someone who had been my friend is now unwilling to even say hi, they had become embarrassed by me or around me. I was horribly hurt by this behavior as a kid, it is a hurt that never goes away, it is one that gets buried as you get older, but it is always there, and then you see your own child being that thoughtlessly cruel child, and it is unbearable.

I admit i did have a "come to Jesus" talk with my kid on the way home, and made it very clear that they had been hurtful, and I was very disappointed in them. I also explained that they had been a nasty friend, and had been more concerned with themselves and their own self consciousness than another child's feelings and that this was not acceptable. They are learning in Awana to treat others like they want to be treated, and this was not a very good show of God's love for us that we give to one another. Well that got the water works started, and then they felt awful, and I assured them that this was the way their friend had felt too, and that they needed to pray that they could find a way to make it up to their friend, and how they really needed to be a better friend. Shyness and embarrassment is never an excuse to be cruel, intended or otherwise, and I am so very sorry that I had to teach this lesson to my kids, but I cannot let my kids hurt another as I was hurt as a little girl, that to me would be unforgivable.