Letting go of myself

Being a Christian is tough at times, especially when I am not having a good day, when the kids are at their worst, I am tired, and patience is thin, this is when it is especially hard. By accepting Christ into my life, I gave it up to Him, and it is no longer my life that I am living and showing, it is His.

Last night the Pastor's message was on the spiritual gifts, and what they mean and how you use them. Many have a spiritual gift, but never acknowledge it or use it, but it is there just bursting to get out. So I of course have to then analyze this, and try to decide if I used my spiritual gift or let it wither. Conclusion, I use it, and try to show God's love through my own actions and behaviors with my kids.

First let me say as a disclaimer, I do not do well all the time with letting God show thru me. I am really impatient, controlling, short tempered, and determined to be in charge, not really God-like personality, but, when I let myself go, I can be more. I never thought I would have 3 kids, and be thinking of more, and never thought in a million years I would be a nanny to 2 more. This is not me, not at all, I am not that mommy who has a small troop following her through stores, the mommy who does a head count before leaving places, and rearranges kids according to personality or temperament, who never stops answering questions or tidying and cajoling until she is asleep, but then I see myself in a window reflection, and I am that mommy!!! Some days I look back at my life, and see certain moments, where I nearly lost my patience and let it rip, but then didn't, this is god in me. The gift of organizing and coordinating all of these kids is mine, for better or worse. Mostly better, especially when in a store or restaurant I have 5 polite, well behaved, kind and thoughtful kids trailing behind me, bringing smiles and laughter to all whom they meet. Others marvel, and compliment us on our behavior and I feel a quiet thrill inside that these kids show such a beautiful face to the world and the gift of adoption. It brings me great joy to claim them all, and say that God led me to Ethiopia after much prayer, that I felt called and compelled and have been blessed beyond measure because I listened to the spirit that dwells in me. If I can encourage even one person to consider adoption, just by looking at my sweet children's faces and seeing their joy and zest, then I have fulfilled that part of my gift, and the rest falls into place every day when I look back, and say "thank you God, for your patience and guiding hand and for these wonderful children that fill my life with so much, and for the others who are yet to be, thank you!"

Jamie

PS. of course when I refer to the kids I have lumped K and baby E into the mix, and will claim them all in general, but I also know that Amanda and Brent do the same for my kids, and that they also felt led to adopt from Ethiopia, so I speak for all of us in public.