The gifts of adoption

The phrase "the gift of adoption" means so many different things to me now, than it did a few years ago. It has shadings and nuances and hidden depths that I did not even know existed until I received them.
At first there was just the gift of our children, the actual physical gift of them, that was all I thought of. Their actual presence was going to be a wonderful gift, a gift from God that I would cherish and protect with a fierce mothers love. Then came the gifts of self awareness and insight. Waiting a long time made these gifts more apparent. As the months ticked by I started to look inward, studying myself and trying to come to a peaceful place inside of me with this wait. This was a gift I did not really want, this self awareness, it was nice to find good stuff, inside, but mostly it was like cleaning out the fridge after the holidays, you find yucky stuff hiding in the back corners, GACK!! I did not want this gift all that much, but took the time given to me to clean out my proverbial fridge, and closet, and the cupboards of dusty ideas in my head, etc etc. Insight came next, and this blew me away, I started to see life through a different set of eyes(yet another gift I guess), and understood better what I was getting into, how this could go very wrong or very right, and it was scary!! I gained insight into my own motives, some great, some not so great, and worked them out in my own heart and soul, and sought insight into another mothers position and life and gut wrenching decisions. I grew from the gift of adoption and time, I really did!
The gift of time also allowed Jon and I to really bond together, sounds hokey I know, but it is so true. We became stronger as a couple due to this whole process, so the gift was a stronger marriage. We struggled together through many things that might have, a few years ago thrown us apart. We also grew in Faith and wonder, we grew as a couple and a family, in our trust and peace with God and his choices for our future. This was really hard, it was a tough gift to take, but once given and received it has been the best gift of all, and the one that has brought me the greatest comfort and peace.
The gift of friends was the last gift I thought to receive from our adoption, true friends that are wonderfully supportive and inspiring. The friends we made through our adoption have given us help, insight, inspiration, a should to cry on, and an ear to gripe to. They are true and lasting friends and we are blessed to have them, they have become a part of our adoption journey and adoption family as well.
As so many gave us the gift of friendship, we also try to give it back. Our very dear friends Kate and Jeff are awaiting their own gift of adoption, and we are trying to be there to lend a hand, and ear, a shoulder, and a family to inspire them to just keep going. I am waiting anxiously for the day that they too will receive their own gift of life, and will stroke that sweet baby face and wonder at the softness of that springy baby curl. Kate and Jeff if we could give you any peace at all it is that your gift is waiting for the right moment to be revealed to you, and it will be worth every moment of anxiety, every tear, and every frustrated moment of asking "where is my baby?!". So while I know that the gifts we offer you are not the gift of life, we will continue to give them, knowing that soon we will celebrate with you the gift of your sweet little addition.

With much love, and prayers for strength for you both, Jamie
PS thank you Kate for helping me to sort these thoughts out last week, talking to you made my cluttered and tangled thoughts and ruminations make sense, and that is no small feat;)!!

This song helped me on my not so good days, I hope that it inspires others as well:

Miracle of the moment

Steven Curtis Chapman

It's time for letting go,

of all of our "if only's",

we don't have a time machine.

Even if we did,

would you really want to use it?

Would you really want to go change everything?

We are who & where & what we are, right now,

This is the only moment we can do anything about.

So breathe it in, breathe it out,

listen to your heart beat.

There's a wonder in the here and now,

it's right there in front of you.

I don't want you to miss,

the miracle of the moment.

If it brings you tears,

taste them as they fall,

let them soften your heart.

If it brings you laughter,

just throw your head back and let it go,

you've gotta let it go.

I don't want you to miss the

miracle of the moment