rebirth and mindful wanderings

Well, we have done it, nothing huge, but a moment just the same. We have just colored Easter eggs, and last Sunday we did the Easter pics of the kids, so it is almost over, our very last first, and I am not sure how I feel about it. It is so strange to realize that the kids have only been home for not quite a year, it feels like forever some days, both good and bad;)!!! Really though, I am feeling a bit sad that their first year home is almost over, and a very memorable year it was, I will start doing a recount of it sometime soon. It seems strange though, but fitting that Jesus' rebirth coincides with our kids rebirth into the family, sort of fitting to me. Today I discussed Easter with the girls a bit, just to make sure that they understand that it is not all about bunnies, eggs and candy, but a rebirth and renewal, and hope, and then got all choked up thinking of their birth mother, and her hopes for these two sweet little darlings, and now how my hopes for them are so closely intertwined with what she dreamed, it is an awesome gift to be given a life to cherish. Some days I am not sure I cherish it enough, this gift, I just take the day and let it go past, but don't always reflect on the sacrifice and fears that must have accompanied another mothers days, and even weeks, before my own hopes were realized. I am working to be more mindful of the gift of lives we have been given to nurture and grow, and forever grateful to another mother for allowing, and blessing these sweet souls to be reborn into our family, to walk a path in two worlds and to honor both, as we, as mothers would wish.
Is this all totally disjointed, it often times feels that way to me as I struggle to understand and communicate my depth of feeling, sadness, hope, joy, grief and even a fear that I can never be enough for them. It is a struggle some days, but I try to not be complacent about our adoption, as there is another mother 1/2 way around the world who is reminded daily of her loss for their gain, a piece of her died for them to live, and I will always struggle with that, as I should I suppose, for if I stopped struggling then I do my children all an injustice, and HER an even greater injustice as she did something I am not sure I could ever do, and hope to never have to!!
So before I start to sob on the keyboard I am going to be done! Jamie