My nasty sidekick

I have this nasty sidekick that pops up to hang out at the least opportune moments, though I know of no opportune moments for depression. I had never really had depression before I had Julianna, now it occasionally sneaks up on me, but does not usually last long, thankfully. I am certain that I will suffer from my little companion in the next few months though, like I did after Julianna was born. Then I felt very isolated, and overwhelmed, and very tired, and the worst part is that everyone kept telling me what a great baby she was, and how happy and quiet. Not true, she was quiet and happy during the day, but at night another baby took over, and that one was noisy and demanding, and had no interest in sleeping! Mostly though I was bewildered, and not understanding why I was not thrilled with this little bundle of joy and drool, which made me feel guilty, starting the vicious cycle over again. Now PPD is much more PC to talk about, but its evil twin PADS(post adoption depression syndrome) is less talked about. When PADS is brought up the sufferer is usually made to feel worse since here they are saying that they are not sure this whole adoption thing was not a huge mistake, and that they have just ruined their happy little family, and others question why they bothered to go through so much, and try for so long to get their kids home! PADS is not rational, nor are the sufferers feelings rational, or even constant, and this creates even more tension and angst. Add to that the sudden feeling of being on "display" and having to field intrusive adoption questions from complete strangers when all you want to do is buy milk and eggs without all of your kids melting down and hollering in multiple incoherent languages, it sets the stage for a huge bout of PADS. I am preparing myself for this, I will be staying home a lot, and getting out for walks to the beach, some may be by myself even! I will also get over my obsession with being a super mom, I am not capable of doing everything, and have no intentions of having a clean house, all my laundry piles done, or a sparkly bathroom for many weeks after coming home. I intend to ignore the stares and comments of all strangers in public places, and do not care if my kids are perfectly dressed, if we need to go out I am going to guide my kids through the exciting and overwhelming world of Stop and Shop, and not worry about what the other shoppers think! I am writing this down so that when I start to fret and get anxious and depressed I can reread it and remember. So while my sidekick may take up residence in my ear for a while, he is not staying too long, I am determined to kick him out and just relax and have fun with my family so SSSPPPPPFFFFTTTTTT(this is me sticking out my tongue and spitting, childish but fun!) to PADS!!!!
On another note please everyone pray for Jon's dad, he has been admitted to the hospital, and the doctors are not sure what is wrong, outside of a blood infection of some sort. He is in terrible pain, and has had so much blood drawn, and so many tests run, poor thing, so please pray, also pray for Nana who is recovering from hip replacement surgery and will hopefully be home soon!