not part of the "norm"

I had forgotten how it feels to be not part of the "norm".  I had gotten out of the habit of thinking of our family as not part of what is considered normal, I had become accustomed to flying under the radar when we went places.  Today, it was brought home to me that we are not of the "norm", and I again felt empathy for all the other parents out there who feel that scrutiny and focus of attention.  

It began innocently, and was, in fact just very nice, kind, generous ladies who brought this reminder home to me.  We were at co-op, and I was being asked about A, and the big D word came up, yes, he has a disability, similar to Gabe's, only more noticeable, and more profound.  It has been so long since I have used the D word in regards to G, outside of doctors visits, and a few friends it does not come up much, usually only rearing its ugly head when I feel I need to defend my obsessive concerns over Little Man, and his activities.  So, to be thrown back into the world of families with a child with obvious delays was startling, especially since I don't see A in that light. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of his issues, but I don't see them, I see him, and his sweetness, stubbornness, determination and flirtatiousness shining through, the D I don't see so much.  

When I look at A I see Gabe, before I met him, it is like looking back into G's own personal history, and I get to relive it to a small degree, and to see A, I look at how far Gabe has come, and that is the footsteps A will follow, the path he will forge, alongside Gabe's.  When I get frustrated with G, when he gets stressed, tired or sick, I just have to remember A to know it will smooth out, and that we can achieve our goals, lofty or small though they may be.  When I am impatient to see improvement in A I remember Gabe, and how far he has come, so to see one for me, is to see them both, on the same tiring road, slogging along, but always moving forward toward independence and a less noticeable lifestyle.

So, back to today, I was suddenly back into the "yes he has a handicap, no it is not because he is from Ethiopia" mode, and it felt odd.  Not bad, not good, just odd.  Not to say that the ladies I was talking with were mean or nosy, just curious, and they really like A so it was a nice kind of curious.  But it was odd, and it has been wandering around in my brain all afternoon now, how unnoticed we have become, and how that may change again in a  few years, how will I feel about that, how will the kids feel about that?  Hmm, thought to ponder for late nights I guess.

This is not written to minimize A's parents who bear a great deal of scrutiny all the time.  They are wonderful parents, and have been very blessed by A, and he by them, they are truly a beautiful family!!  This was written because I had forgotten the attention a handicapped child brings, and A's mom and dad deal with it so gracefully, I do not recall being so graceful, or grace filled with people our first time out, hopefully this will help me to do a better job next time!!!