Amelia Birtukan, in all her glory!

Okay, this post is about Mia Birtu, referred to here after as MB. This post will surely embarrass her in her teen years(and really that is the job of parents right, to forever embarrass and torture their kids!?!) MB when we first met her was the smiliest, happiest, giggliest little girl, she was polite, funny, smart and happy. Too good to be true of course! We had her for a few hours a few days in a row, then for a half day, and she was great, she played with Julianna and us, ran around and learned English very fast. We were thrilled, but on our first day having her the whole day she started to freak out and get really wild in the evening, she had suddenly realized that she was not going back, this was for longer than a play date! Sadly the nannies had not really explained this to her well, and she was very upset and inconsolable for a long time that evening. There is nothing more heart wrenching than having your child silently cry, big tears rolling down their face, shoulders shaking, kind of cry and being able to do nothing for them but pat them and hold them. Also sadly she wanted nothing to do with mommy, I was replacing her nanny, so I was the bad guy, it was all daddy here, he had it tough. That first night she fell asleep crying, and woke up sunny and smily again to another fun filled busy day of play and eating. In this are we had few problems, she was easily reprimanded, and quickly came to understand some of our rules of behavior. I know many do not enforce rules when they are first attaching in adoption, but this would not have worked for us, we have 3 kids so we need rules, pllus she is the type to take as much as she can then push for more, and she is very smart, she gets rules. MB and Julianna had lots of fun together, they bonded very quickly and play well, very little fighting, more giggles and squeals, and MB loves her brother very much, evident by the fact that every time he cried she ran to his side and tried to pick him up to comfort him, likely making his neck a few inches longer in the process! Daddy was still the best thing ever to her, he could do anything, but reprimand her, he found that out the hard way the second night we had the kids, she accidently hurt Julianna and daddy reprimanded her, well that really set her off. Complete chaos ensued with all kids crying, screaming, hitting, spitting, it was lovely!!!! MB is the only kid I know who can cry nonstop for over 2 hours, Jon had to take her downstairs twice to calm her down and the closest he could get to her was arms length away, she was that upset he could not comfort her better, poor babies!! Finally he got her settled and she slept, but she was so restless she flipped out of bed twice and landed in the toddler bed where Gabe slept, finally I left her there and put Gabe with us for safety, but MB still flipped all over the bed, head to toe, side to side, she never rested still for long! Finally Thursday arrived when the other family was leaving( I have posted this before so this will be brief!) and the little boy told MB that she was not going to America, only mommy daddy, Julianna, and Gabe were, she was a mess after this, but thanks to the cooks they figured it out and we reassured her we would leave the next day. Well the next day she put on her backpack and was ready to go at the crack of dawn, this is no exaggeration on the time either, she wanted to leave! Finally it was time to get into the van and go, she hugged all the staff and was ready to leave for America then, but sadly we ahd to wait for planes and such! MB was a good one for fits, she can pitch a fit like no other, she will give you a shoulder shrug, then you have to stay away for a while before you can comfort her and sort things out, and the wait for the flight was no different, she was upset about many things and nervous about the whole new things going on, and so pitched fit after fit while in the airport. She finally made up to me when I had to take her to the bathroom midfit, while she still did not like me and wanted to be left alone to be hurt and angry, and we made friends on the way to
shinte and back to get on our plane, where another fit ensued about the seatbelt. This time daddy held firm and held the seatbelt strap while she howled and wailed and tried to throw him off. Once calmed down she checked out the plane and then a bit later slept, and slept and slept. This made our flight easier, but poor baby we had to wake her for our plane switch in Dubai, and boy is she grumpy when you wake her up, nasty grumpy!! Once settle in the plane again she slept some more, and with just a few hours left in flight woke, ate, grumped, howled, fought, and then played unitl it was time to land. This time mommy had her for seatbelt time, and did not let go of her arm or seatbelt strap until we landed, and she had learned that mommy did not play around when we said no, and stay we meant it, and she understood enough English to know what we meant too.
Once home we settled into the house and routine, and the fits started to diminish rapidly. They were still there, but fewer and lasted much less time, and she had started to let us care for Gabe, she ignored him when he cried, and trusted us to take care of him completely, which was good for her and for us. Bedtime is still a struggle , but better every day, there are no more long drawn out crying jags, just some grieving, totally normal, but no more angry and hateful tears, just sad. She is also learning that if she wants to be held she just has to ask, no tears are necessary, no fake fits either, just ask, and she will do that now at bedtime, but is learning to share us more equally with Julianna too, which is very nice. MB also sleeps much more soundly, only once has she fallen out of bed and she stays pretty still too, so sleep is going pretty well, she has even learned that quiet time does not mean bad things, just that no feet hit the floor until mom says it is okay to get up!
MB has no problems eating, she likes most food, and will try anything, and even eats 2-4 bites of food she does not want. She completely understands the concept of "You have until the count of 3, 1-2-3!" and will comply quickly or get a time out, one of the many joys of having a smart little girl!
So, now that I have given all of the bad and ugly parts here are the good and fun parts!
MB is fun and funny, she has a silly sense of humor that never fails to crack her sister and herself up. She is very sweet and loves to hug and kiss, when in a group she will play well with others then seek us out to say hi and get a kiss then is off again to play more, so she is becoming very secure in us. She is also very cuddly, she likes to sit in your lap, hug and kiss, and early in the morning she likes to climb into bed with me and cuddle, dozing until the other kids get up.
MB is very smart, she has a bigger vocabulary than I can count, knows her ABC's and can identify them if asked, can count well and can write her letters with assistance. She also loves to play pretend, she has tea parties with her babies and Julianna, and would learn to swim in a heart beat if we took her to the YMCA, she is fearless. MB is also such a charmer, people love her and she really enjoys people, but not in a desperate way, in a fun happy little girl way. MB is very polite, insisting on Thank you and your welcome all the time, she is very thankful to us for dinner and things, and prays sweetly before any food she eats! There is very little conflict between the girls, about what I remember of my sister and I, mostly they play together happily. I have become good at figuring out what is an issue and what is just "if you can't share the toy then you cannot have it!" kind of thing, and now that MB has a good grasp of English she can come and tattle on Julianna to me too, so I now often can be heard saying "if you are coming to tattle I don't want to hear it, I know what she is doing, I will deal with it!" MB is quick to get upset, quick to be comforted, and quick to forgive or give apologies if necessary.
We have all adjusted to eachother well, and each girl is learning that while we love them both totally, they are not treated equally, but fairly. This may be strange and against many peoples ideas but works for us, since life is not equal to anyone(old young, rich poor, man woman, black white, etc), we cannot create an artificial reality. Instead we are fair to each child and their individual needs and wants, this creates some tension, but is the only way we know to help our kids learn to deal with life as it is. Each kid is learning that we can be counted on to care for each and provide for them. It has been a learning experience and continues to be so each day, but we are enjoying it, even the tough parts since they are not so hard and are far out weighed by the fun and happy times, so I will end this novella now, Jamie