Musings on change

Lately I have had these rambling thoughts running and tumbling through my head. These are all thoughts of changes, transitions, and "entry points" on our lives thus far.

Making the decision to adopt a child, the procedure of applying to an agency, working with your social worker through the adoption study process and waiting for your child are all what the poet Kabir calls “entry points” - experiences along a journey that force us to transition into a new state of being, a new state of coping, a new state of questioning.

I found that this quote spoke to me and I am now at another "entry point" and at a new stage of questioning, so I feel I must go back and reexamine, and try to make sense of a wandering path, so these are my musings.
First IO must admit that I have often felt betrayed by my own body, it has let me down, and I when I had finally forgiven it, it let me down a bit more. I assumed that since I rarely get sick and always feel fine that my body should do what I want when I want, and for the most part this works, but not so in the last few years. When I was pregnant with Julianna I would get irritated with the people who told me that creating life was amazing, and a miracle. I disagreed(foolish girl!) creating and carrying life was biology, plain and simple. I was wrong, and only years later do I regret not feeling that miracle and loving it in its fleeting glory a bit more. I was betrayed by my own body, and biology, and Julianna was a "miracle" and one that I wish now I could repeat for a while just for the wonder of the transition from someones child to someones mother. Then foolish girl that I am, I would often bemoan the fact that even after birth I never had my own space and body to myself, always carrying, cuddling or nursing, I never had personal space, HA! now Julianna has to fight her way free of mommy's incessant hugging and cuddling. Every night I get a solid 30 minutes of cuddles and snuggles on the couch, then some time cuddling in bed while we read a story. And, Poor baby I have nearly kissed the skin off her cheeks, nose, and neck, and it is a wonder she has any hair with all the nuzzling I do on her. How I wish I could go back and relive those quiet days of snuggles and naps(since my girl is a kicker when she sleeps!)
All of these transitions and changes, so many personal struggles, and so many unnecessary struggles, but they have brought me to this point. Well not yet, but the musings have to wait because life intrudes on little feet(of the doggy variety currently!) - J